Dead Easy Coconut Macaroons

These three-ingredient cookies are the easiest in my repertoire and come together in under two minutes for all of your late night "wait, the holiday party is tomorrow?" moments. With one important caveat:  do NOT attempt these without lining your cookie sheets with parchment paper.  I've got many memories from days of yore pre-parchment proliferation, and my poor mother chiseling caramel-colored pools of cemented condensed milk off of her baking sheets, only to find the dog had eaten the several dozen fruits of her labor by the next afternoon.  Don't let this happen to you.

The sweetened condensed milk in this recipe also gives the coconut a toasted nutty flavor, while still keeping the cookies sweet and chewy.  So it's not "all-natural" (what does that mean, anyway?), but you won't have to whip egg whites which I consider a procedural win.  Use non-stick paper, train your dog better, and enjoy.

Quick and Easy Coconut Macaroons
Recipe from my Mom

Makes 4-5 dozen cookies
Total time: one hour (Active time <5 minutes)

• 16oz (450g) grated coconut (sweetened or unsweetened)
• 14oz (400g) sweetened condensed milk 
• 2 teaspoons almond extract (or vanilla in a pinch)

Preheat oven to 350F (180C).  Add all ingredients to a bowl and stir until well-mixed.  Drop by teaspoonfuls onto greased parchment paper-lined baking sheets.  Bake for 10-12 minutes, until lightly browned.

Move the parchment paper onto a wire rack to cool.  Store on waxed paper in airtight containers, or freeze.  Good for several weeks, if they last that long.

Spicy Cranberry Chutney

 
Controversial statement: the best character on Friends is Chandler Bing, but only between seasons 1 and 4.  During the first part of the show's run, he was a Woody Allen-esque hyper self-critical schmuck, hapless but ultimately good-natured.  Once he starts dating Monica, I guess the producers decided that he was best served as a man-accessory and all significant character development is removed.  Because what else do you do when characters get married and boring to maintain viewership?  Have everyone get crazy!  And thus they become exaggerated caricatures (OCD! Smoking! Baby crazy! Dog hating!) of the lovable poor decision-making fools they once were.

So in very last Thanksgiving episode of Friends ("The One with the Late Thanksgiving"), Chandler's story arch centers around the flaccid unitask that his wife allowed him to contribute - the cranberry sauce.  He rises and falls by the cranberry sauce, traditionally the lamest of the Thanksgiving condiments, since there's nothing else for him to do.  And that was me this past Thanksgiving.

As I mentioned before, I arrived very very late on Thanksgiving Eve and was set to be exhaustingly busy on Thanksgiving morning, so the cranberry sauce was my only contribution.  And it needed to sing!  So we have spicy cranberry chutney - a tart and peppery sauce to cut through and enhance your sweet and mushy holiday sides.  I've since added it to eggs, turkey and ham sandwiches, burritos, and I'm told the leftovers were also incorporated into a baked brie.  Because if you only have one thing to offer, it better go the distance.  Assuming of course, it doesn't get used up in a gratuitous physical gag.

Spicy Cranberry Chutney
Adapted from Cook's Illustrated (via The Bitten Word for those without a subscription like myself)

Makes 3 cups (750mL)
Total time: 90 minutes (Active time 10 minutes)

• 2 teaspoons vegetable oil
• 1 shallot, minced
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped
• 2 jalapeno peppers, minced (one with seeds and one without)
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2/3 cup (160 mL) water
• 1/4 cup (60 mL) cider vinegar
• 1 cup (220g) packed brown sugar
• 12 oz (340g) fresh or frozen cranberries
• 1 green or yellow apple, shredded on a box grater and peels removed

Heat oil in medium pan over medium heat.  Add shallot, salt, red bell pepper, and jalapenos; cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes.

Add water, vinegar, and sugar.  Increase heat to high and bring to simmer, stirring to dissolve sugar. Add half of the cranberries and the grated apple and return to a simmer.  Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, stirring occasionally, until cranberries have almost completely broken down and mixture has thickened, about 15-20 minutes.

Add remaining cranberries and continue to simmer, stirring occasionally, until just beginning to burst, 5 to 7 minutes.  Remove from the heat and cool for at least 1 hour before serving.  Keeps just fine refrigerated for several weeks.  Travels well.

Turkey Day 2011: Reflections and Recipe Rundown

Part one of the spread from Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving is less than a week away, and I'm giddy with excitement the way that children look forward to Christmas morning.  I believe with steadfast resolve that Thanksgiving is the best American holiday of the year.  Worldwide, I think it might be either tied or a close second to Guy Fawkes Day, but if we're talking strictly non-pyrotechnic food-centric holidays, Thanksgiving is tops.

Why?  Because despite it's dubious beginnings, Thanksgiving these days is about celebrating time spent with your loved ones and preparing a fantastic meal together, and there is really nothing that can top that.   Unlike other feast days, there aren't any religious overtones, pressure for perfect gift-purchasing, and every family can make up it's own traditions.  No family that you can visit? Thanksgiving spent with friends is an equally special experience.

My parents live in Boston, and since Thanksgiving Eve is notoriously the worst travel day of the year, I usually like to go up early Thursday morning and have my own personal cook-off at home for my dishes the night before.  This year, my sister has goaded me into participating in a gratuitous athletic display on Thanksgiving morning.  Since I also have a zero vacation balance, I will braving the masses on Wednesday evening, sweating/panting Thursday morning, and going to be completely deprived of cooking time. 

But I'm not going to leave you gentle Trash Salad readers high and dry.  I've prepared a rundown of my favorite dishes that I've made over the years.  As a parting pro-tip: do not waste your cooking time or valuable stomach space on soups and breads.  You've got all of winter ahead of you for that.

Thanksgiving 2009's stuffing-heavy spread.  Courtesy of my sister for these photos, but Trash Salad worthy nonetheless.

Tried and true traditional flavors:
AllRecipes Yummy Sweet Potato Casserole
Serious Eats Classic Sage and Sausage Stuffing (I'm actually supremely fussy about my stuffing, but this is the recipe that comes closest to what I usually do, though eggs are completely unnecessary. Stuffing post forthcoming.)
Simply Recipes Perfect Mashed Potatoes
Gourmet Cranberry Sauce 
Cambell's Green Bean Casserole (My Mom's version has lots of cheese, completely canned ingredients, and is absolutely amazing.)
Martha's Roasted Brussels Sprouts
Tyler Florence Oven Roasted Turkey with Sage Butter
Libby's Famous Pumpkin Pie
Jell-o Chocolate Pudding Pie (Another family favorite!)


A little something different:*
My Coconut and Ginger Sweet Potato Casserole
Bon Appetit Lemon Roast Potatoes
My Kale Salad
Williams-Sonoma Spiced Cranberry Chutney
Dave Lieberman Tangy Almond Green Beans
101 Cookbooks Shredded Brussels Sprouts and Apples
Giada de Laurentis Turkey with Herbes de Provence and Citrus
Oprah's Pumpkin Gingersnap Pie with Sugared Cranberries (I know. But it's really good!)
Alison Kave's Blue Ribbon Ginger Bourbon Pecan Pie

*Having tried many stuffing variations including cornbread and wild rice, this is the only place where I will say do NOT mess with the classic.

Pickled Shiitakes and the Return of the Graphs

This tangy mushroom side dish has been on my mind for about nine months now since I first had something similar at Angelica Kitchen, and in my bookmarks list for at least two since getting a bang-up deal on dried shiitakes at the local Asian market.  If you like mushrooms and Asian flavors, these are absolutely amazing for an incredibly low amount of effort.

According to the internet, the most popular inspiration for pickled shiitakes is a recipe from David Chang's Momofuku cookbook.  Once David Chang served me a parfait of goat cheese, tapioca, beet root, and walnuts, and it was fantastic.  But I've never been to any of the Momofuku restaurants, even though I'm sure I would love the food, because I'm of the opinion that, when in a city as large and exciting as New York, you should never ever wait more than 20 minutes when you want to eat.  I refuse to believe that any pork bun, fried chicken, or bowl of ramen, regardless of the quality, is worth three hours of my time that could be much better spent elsewhere in the area on loftier pursuits.  I feel so strongly about this, that I've brought back the cost-benefit analysis graph to illustrate my point.

Take the case of the simple falafel sandwich. One of my all-time favorite foods, I'm lucky to have access to no fewer than 8 different falafel establishments within walking distance of my apartment. A solid and tasty meal that I enjoy for dinner at least once a week in Hoboken, I would never ever consider going to the mirror establishment on MacDougal Street for the exact sandwich, even when I'm in the area, since there is a perpetual line of 5+ customers deep.  Consider at least 3 minutes per customer, and my favorite food is suddenly not worth it. Whereas, the sort of bland, not super exciting noodle soup that I can get across the street from my office is absolutely worth it compared to the several hours of wait time at trendy ramen places.

The point I'm dancing around is this: I don't know how these marinated mushrooms are supposed to be served at Momofuku since I will never go there.  What I do know is that they are really really delicious, even when you half-ass the ingredients as you see in parentheses below.  I don't think they would go well with a normal noodle soup since they're quite salty, but could gussy up the bland one from across the street quite handsomely.  Really, you can use these mushrooms like kimchi: kind of a side, and also a punchy flavor addition to whatever the hell you want.  A trash salad, for instance.

Pickled Shiitakes
Adapted from Saveur (coopted from Momofuku)

Makes 2 cups (480mL)
Total time: 45-60 minutes (Active time <10 min)

• 1.5 oz (43g) dried shiitake mushrooms (about half of a normal package)
• 1/2 cup (120mL) soy sauce
• 1/2 cup (120mL) sherry vinegar (or a half/half mixture of rice wine vinegar and Chinese cooking wine if you don't keep things like sherry vinegar on-hand)
• 1/3 cup (70g) sugar (I used brown, and don't think it matters)
• 3" (7.5cm) piece of ginger, peeled (or 3 tsp of dried ginger, in a pinch)
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper (optional)
• 2 cloves of garlic, peeled and thinly sliced (optional)

Put mushrooms in a large bowl and cover with 2.5 cups (600mL) of boiling water (they will try to float, so push them down until covered).  Soak for at least 15 minutes.  Drain, reserving 2 cups (480mL) of liquid.  Chop the mushrooms into slivers if you like them that way.

Combine the drained mushrooms, reserved mushroom liquid, and remaining ingredients in a medium sauce pan and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Remove pan from heat, let cool, and transfer to a jar or other container.  Will keep in the fridge for at least a month.

Drunken Fig Jam

I recently had the incredible good fortune of being given a large bag of fresh figs, straight from the tree (in New Jersey, who knew?). Several weeks have passed now, during which I've decided that figs are absolutely my favorite fruit in the entire world.  Because they are usually incredibly expensive and hard to get?  Probably.  They're also high in fiber and minerals, not too sweet or juicy, and are excellent raw or baked into a variety of snack cake-like items.

My first attempt at cooking something with the figs - rather than inhaling them out of the bag - was this fruit and sour cream gratin recipe and substituting blueberries for raspberries.  It was good?, but got kind of watery and had the overwhelming taste of burnt sugar.  I wanted something figgier that really showcased the fruit instead of used it as a filler on which to pile sugar and cream.  Also, I don't really know how to pronounce gratin, so it feels rather fraudulent to even be writing about it in passing.

And in the midst of all this hemming and hawing, the figs started to turn and I was left with jam as the only viable option.  Fortunately I stumbled upon this fantastic Bon Appetit recipe, which I scaled down and adjusted the proportions to my tastes (i.e. more on the Drunken and less on the sugary Jam side of things).  It's a great unique flavor that is perfect for your fall cocktail parties on top of goat cheese crostini.  If you're not the type for fancy finger food, this jam is awesome on toast, stirred into yogurt, and on top of salty cheese chunks.  Yet more reasons to befriend a fig tree owner today.

Drunken Fig Jam
Adapted from Bon Appetit


Makes 1 pint of jam (475 mL)
Total time: 1 1/2 hours-1 3/4 hours (Active time 15 minutes)

• 1 lemon
• 20 ounces (565g) ripe (or overripe) fresh figs
• 1 cup (200g) sugar
• 1/3 cup (80mL) dark booze of choice (whiskey, cognac, or brandy)
• pinch of salt

Peel the lemon with a vegetable peeler into wide strips (yellow part only).  Cut the zest into matchstick (or smaller) size pieces (about 1 1/2 tablespoons). 

Chop the figs into 1/2 inch (1cm) chunks, removing the hard stem (you should have about 3 cups).  Juice the lemon into a heavy saucepan and add the zest, sugar, booze of choice, and salt.  Let stand at room temperature for 1 hour, stirring occasionally.*

Bring the fig mixture to a boil on high heat, and simmer over medium heat until the mixture has thickened and reduced to 2 cups, stirring frequently and breaking up large chunks with a fork/potato masher (about 20-30 minutes).  Remove mixture from heat and pour into a jar.**  Store in the freezer or fridge, where it will keep  for a month or more.

*I'm not convinced this step is necessary and was going to skip it, but ended up forgetting and doing it anyway.  I'd consider it optional.

**If you have a LOT of figs and want to do the whole canning-to-preserve-forever thing, follow the directions here.

Fail: Eggplant Curry

A cautionary tale.

I've used the AllRecipes Baingan Bharta recipe many many times over the years for a quick and easy on-hand-ingredients type of dinner.  A few days ago, I got lazy and just chopped and stir-fried the Japanese eggplant I had with spices, added chopped tomatoes, kale, and a can of chickpeas.  Go to add a bit of yogurt to finish it off, and things came to a screeching halt.  Instead of a creamy sauce that integrated well with the tomatoes, I had a watery pile of vegetables flecked with white yogurt curds.  Gross.

So, why the horrendous error? The original recipe has you cook the yogurt for 10 minutes with tomatoes, and you'd think the acidity and heat would cause separation anyway. AllRecipes commenters have also apparently stir-fried eggplant in this recipe successfully. My only suspicion is that I somehow stuffed it up by adding kale and chickpeas, though in theory these aren't super acidic so shouldn't affect anything. Is the lowfat yogurt to blame? I'll try this again with regular eggplant, no additions next time to see what I end up with.

For the curious, yes I still ate this over the course of a week. With eyes closed, I could pretend that the curdy things were cheese chunks and that made everything okay.

2012: A Hypothetical Food Bucket List

One of the more ridiculous things I've come across on the internet lately is this guy who made an off-hand New Year's resolution to his buddy to eat 2011 chicken wings in 2011.  But he's actually doing it!  And profiting from it!  And bringing the publicity show to Hoboken!

Now, do I have the drive or attention span to devote a year of my life to one particular thing in order to become an internet sensation?  Certainly not.  But here are a few things of similar volume or caloric content to wings that I could easily EASILY eat 2012 of next year, and not make a big deal out of it.

Things that would probably do me some good:

• Ounces of kale - I made a conservative estimate to a friend last weekend that I eat kale ten times every week. When I'm at home more in the winter, it's more like 15. And if you don't think that putting away 20 ounces of kale per week is a lot, consider that one of the big bunches in the supermarket is usually less than a pound. I KNOW.
• Toast + fatty spread + vegetable - Bit vague of a combination, but think along the lines of mayo/tomato, avocado/spinach, goat cheese/grilled veg; the possibilities are endless.  From 2005-2006, I ate a toasted sandwich almost every day for breakfast and lunch until I got sick of toast (as you do). But it's been 5 years, and I could get the roof of my mouth back into shape in no time.
• Cups of tea - I'd probably need to integrate some decaffeinated nonsense at some point, but I hit about 3-4 English breakfasts or green teas on a normal day. I've also been wanting to get into Yerba mate. Has anyone tried this? Thoughts? 
• Tacos - Perhaps counter-intuitive, but tacos can indeed be healthy when made vegetarian with a small amount of cheese/sour cream (you know, not this kind or this kind [YUM]).

Things that would probably kill me:

• Eggs - I've been known to put an egg or two on just about anything with excellent results.  But the cholesterol is mind boggling here. And I refuse to be one of those sterile no-fun egg-white only people. But I've got low blood pressure to start with, so this could definitely happen.
• Cheese sticks - The stringy fun of single-serve 'mozzarella' cheese has the similar interactiveness of a chicken wing, without the saucy mess. Refer to above potential heart disease-inducing issues.
• Scoops of ice cream - Impossible in the winter months? Nope. My summertime daily average would more than carry me here. If working at Friendly's didn't kill my love of frozen dairy, nothing will.
• Shots of whiskey - Easy.  It's the rest of life that would be difficult to keep up with.

So. Dare I pose any of these challenges to myself? Is my effort better channeled more productively into something else ridiculous like running 2012km?  I've got 3.3 months to figure it out.