Loaded Veggie Cream Cheese

Two recent and disappointing bagel experiences have driven me back into the realm of kitchen experimentation and bloggery.  Different days, different Hoboken bagel-specific establishments.  Disappointing to the point where the convenience of the on-the-way-to-work breakfast pickup is now outweighed by the significant potential for negative surprise induced by opening the bag.

I like to treat myself to an enormous bagel breakfast on the occasional Friday that I head into the office. Normally my morning routine involves a harried five minute dance between the french press and the bathroom sink followed by a sad high-fiber desk cereal around 10am, but Fridays I pull out all the stops and add 2-4 minutes onto my commute for the bagel detour. The payoff is that the doughy rings in this area of the world are so huge that the workday is usually halfway over by the time I finish it. Breakfast as a time-traveling device, you see.

My standard order is a whole wheat everything with light veggie cream cheese. Everywhere, always - with the very occasional substitution of olive cream cheese, but only if it visibly contains green, black, and pimento varieties.  A few weeks ago, I opened the bag to find this:

A bagel straining under the weight of its cream cheese, with maybe one or two vegetable (?) chunks spotted.  Have I just never taken the time to look at my breakfast before? Are we entering a new world of cream cheese homogeneity and chunk skimpage?

Familiar with my own obliviousness, I inclined towards the former assumption and carried on the following Friday at another bagel shop, hopeful of a better result. Here, the gentleman misheard my order and instead said that I was getting lox cream cheese when he handed over the bag.  "Excellent!" I thought to myself, "lox cream cheese is usually much more expensive and I am getting it for the same price!"  And then I unwrapped this, barely pink, barely salty, completely chunk-less abomination (I didn't take a photo because it made me angry, but here is an artistic rendering):

Let's do a little better, shall we?  The goal is to veer away from the usual ratio of ingredients in deli/store-bought vegetable cream cheese:

towards the Xanadu of schmears, which I have determined to be a 1:1 ratio of cream cheese to stuff.

Within the "stuff", you can play around with whatever you have on-hand, but I really like equal ratios of carrots to other assorted crunchy vegetables to flavorful components (half oniony things, half herby/salty/spicy things), and rounded all off with a generous amount of freshly ground pepper.  Much cheaper, more interesting, and fresher-tasting than anything scooped out of a deli pan. And! Keeping this on-hand will cut down your Friday morning bagel detour time by at least 50%.  

Loaded Vegetable Cream Cheese

Makes 2 cups
Total time: 5-10 minutes 

• 8oz (225g) lite or regular cream cheese (I like Neufchatel)

• 1/3 cup shredded carrots
• 1/3 cup finely diced colorful/crunchy veg (any color bell pepper, celery, fennel, radish, cucumber)
• 2-3 tablespoons finely diced onions or white parts of scallions
• 2-3 tablespoons finely diced miscellaneous flavorful bits (olives, capers, fresh soft herbs, green parts of scallions, jalapeno or other spicy peppers, pickles, crumbled up bacon)
• black pepper

Heat cream cheese in a few 30-second increments until it spreads easily.  Mix with other ingredients and add freshly ground black pepper to taste.  Cream cheese will keep in the fridge for about 2 weeks.

Pickled Shiitakes and the Return of the Graphs

This tangy mushroom side dish has been on my mind for about nine months now since I first had something similar at Angelica Kitchen, and in my bookmarks list for at least two since getting a bang-up deal on dried shiitakes at the local Asian market.  If you like mushrooms and Asian flavors, these are absolutely amazing for an incredibly low amount of effort.

According to the internet, the most popular inspiration for pickled shiitakes is a recipe from David Chang's Momofuku cookbook.  Once David Chang served me a parfait of goat cheese, tapioca, beet root, and walnuts, and it was fantastic.  But I've never been to any of the Momofuku restaurants, even though I'm sure I would love the food, because I'm of the opinion that, when in a city as large and exciting as New York, you should never ever wait more than 20 minutes when you want to eat.  I refuse to believe that any pork bun, fried chicken, or bowl of ramen, regardless of the quality, is worth three hours of my time that could be much better spent elsewhere in the area on loftier pursuits.  I feel so strongly about this, that I've brought back the cost-benefit analysis graph to illustrate my point.

Take the case of the simple falafel sandwich. One of my all-time favorite foods, I'm lucky to have access to no fewer than 8 different falafel establishments within walking distance of my apartment. A solid and tasty meal that I enjoy for dinner at least once a week in Hoboken, I would never ever consider going to the mirror establishment on MacDougal Street for the exact sandwich, even when I'm in the area, since there is a perpetual line of 5+ customers deep.  Consider at least 3 minutes per customer, and my favorite food is suddenly not worth it. Whereas, the sort of bland, not super exciting noodle soup that I can get across the street from my office is absolutely worth it compared to the several hours of wait time at trendy ramen places.

The point I'm dancing around is this: I don't know how these marinated mushrooms are supposed to be served at Momofuku since I will never go there.  What I do know is that they are really really delicious, even when you half-ass the ingredients as you see in parentheses below.  I don't think they would go well with a normal noodle soup since they're quite salty, but could gussy up the bland one from across the street quite handsomely.  Really, you can use these mushrooms like kimchi: kind of a side, and also a punchy flavor addition to whatever the hell you want.  A trash salad, for instance.

Pickled Shiitakes
Adapted from Saveur (coopted from Momofuku)

Makes 2 cups (480mL)
Total time: 45-60 minutes (Active time <10 min)

• 1.5 oz (43g) dried shiitake mushrooms (about half of a normal package)
• 1/2 cup (120mL) soy sauce
• 1/2 cup (120mL) sherry vinegar (or a half/half mixture of rice wine vinegar and Chinese cooking wine if you don't keep things like sherry vinegar on-hand)
• 1/3 cup (70g) sugar (I used brown, and don't think it matters)
• 3" (7.5cm) piece of ginger, peeled (or 3 tsp of dried ginger, in a pinch)
• 1/2 tsp cayenne pepper (optional)
• 2 cloves of garlic, peeled and thinly sliced (optional)

Put mushrooms in a large bowl and cover with 2.5 cups (600mL) of boiling water (they will try to float, so push them down until covered).  Soak for at least 15 minutes.  Drain, reserving 2 cups (480mL) of liquid.  Chop the mushrooms into slivers if you like them that way.

Combine the drained mushrooms, reserved mushroom liquid, and remaining ingredients in a medium sauce pan and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer, uncovered, for 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.  Remove pan from heat, let cool, and transfer to a jar or other container.  Will keep in the fridge for at least a month.

Dirty Chai

It's not quite spring yet, as the snow on Friday informed me.  But in the interest of getting a jump on the cleaning process, this weekend's project is dealing with the pantry situation.

the pantry situation, phase one.

This process made me realize a few things: 1) Three different kinds of chili powder/paprika/dried thyme/mustard seeds is about two too many; 2) I need to use random whole spices more often; 3) if you think you have a jar of molasses but you can't find it, it will in fact materialize several months later, on its side and stuck to the shelf.

So what does one do with 200g of whole star anise anyway?  By the time April rolls around, even hot toddies and stock pots can get a little tiresome.  Coffee and tea on the other hand are never seasonally restricted, so I made a chai-spiced concentrate using a lot of the whole spices I discovered during the clean-out to try and recreate the delicious Dirty Chai from Empire.

Highly recommended.  I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to buy all of the ingredients if you don't have them already, but any combination of warming spices would be great here.  It's also totally customizable so you'll save yourself both cash and excess cream and sugar from the cafe version without losing any flavor.  

I amped up the amount of spices here from the original concentrate recipe I saw on The Pioneer Woman and decreased the sugar to my tastes.  The milk and sugar somewhat temper the spiciness, with a nice added bite from the coffee.  If you're fancy enough to have an espresso maker, a shot or two would be a welcome substitution for ordinary coffee.

Fortunately it's also the perfect drink for a day of cleaning and general hibernation, since I need some serious motivation to carry on with the pantry project.

Dirty Chai

Serves one
Total time: < 5 minutes

• 1/2 cup (120mL) spiced chai concentrate (recipe below)
• 1/2 cup (120mL) milk (soy, almond, lowfat, whatever)
• 1/2 cup (120mL) strong brewed coffee

Heat chai concentrate and milk in a saucepan or mug in the microwave.  Add freshly brewed coffee. Pat yourself on the back for not spending $3.75.

Spiced Chai Concentrate
Adapted from The Pioneer Woman


Makes 4 1/2 cups
Total time: 25 minutes (Active time 5 minutes)

• 4 1/2 cups (a little more than 1L) water
• 1/2 whole vanilla bean
• 2 cinnamon sticks
• 12 whole green cardamom pods
• 12 whole cloves
• 2 whole star anise
• 1/4 teaspoon whole black pepper
• 1 small knob of ginger, cut into thin slices
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
• zest of 1/2 orange
• 10 teaspoons of black tea or tea bags
• 1/3 cup (65g) sugar

Scrape vanilla bean into a small pot, add water, and bring to a boil.

While waiting for water to boil, place cinnamon sticks, cardamom pods, cloves, star anise, and black pepper in a baggie and smash with a hammer, rolling pin or similarly heavy implement.

When the vanilla water comes to a boil, add ginger, crushed spices from the baggie, nutmeg, orange zest, and tea or tea bags.  Cover and steep for 15-25 minutes depending on how spicy you like it.

Strain out spices and tea and mix liquid with sugar until dissolved.

Crunchy Millet Pumpkin Spice Trash Granola

As much as I love Garden of Eden for cheese, it fails me tremendously when it comes to other snacks.  Yesterday, for example, I spotted a 4-cup container of granola for $8.  Outrageous!

I baked this in vengeance after I got home, wanting to both one-up the price gougers and clean out my pantry of some dry goods.  I personally think this is much better than store-bought granola, which I don't eat except as an ice cream topping because it's usually way too sweet and full of oil.  This recipe is cobbled together from a few sources and uses applesauce and mashed pumpkin as the main binders.  It's not very sweet except for the dried fruit, but still spiced, very flavorful, and the millet adds a really unique texture.

Options for clumpage and textural variety.  When you're using a granola recipe that relies on high moisture/low-fat binders, sacrifices are unfortunately necessary to find a balance between clumps and crunch.  Either you bake the whole grains until the moisture is driven off (high crunch, low clumps), or turn some of it into flour and add oil which will hold more moisture in (low crunch, high clumps).

25% clumpage / 75% crunch - Leave the millet whole and use maple syrup to sweeten with no added oil/butter.  This is the easiest route since you can skip a step, but you'll get quite a lot of rogue non-clumped millet accumulating at the bottom of your storage containers.  This has it's own appeal of course but is kind of difficult to eat with a spoon.  Very crunchy with a texture of crushed Nature's Valley bars.

For 50% clumpage / 50% crunch - Grind 1/2 of the millet to a powder and add 1-2 tablespoons of melted coconut oil or butter.  The best of both worlds approach.

For 75-100% clumpage / low crunch - Grind 1/2 of the millet to a powder, use honey as a sweetener, substitute 1/2 cup of the rolled oats for wheat germ, and add 2-4 tablespoons melted coconut oil or butter.  This version is super clumpy but will be rather soft and similar to the texture of crumbled power bars.


There is also a very fine line between "crisp" and "burnt."  If your oven is uneven or runs hot, don't let it get the better of you: rotate your pans halfway through cooking, watch them carefully, and don't forget to check the underside.  Evening out the edges with a spatula helps too, since thin areas or lonesome bits will turn black before you know it.

Crunchy Millet Pumpkin Spice Granola
 Makes 16 cups (probably more if you don't snack while you're making this)
Total time: 1 hour (Active time 20-30 minutes)

• 5 cups (400g) oats
• 1 cup (200g) uncooked millet, divided
• 1 cup (80g) unsweetened flaked coconut
• 1 1/2 cup (150g) nuts/seeds (I used a mix of sunflower seeds, slivered almonds, and whole flax seeds)

• 1 tablespoon pumpkin pie spice OR a mixture like:
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon cardamom
• 1/4 teaspoon allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup (185g) unsweetened applesauce OR
• 2 small granny smith apples, diced (peel on), simmered for 10 minutes with a large splash of water, and mashed with a fork
• 3/4 cup (185g) mashed pumpkin (fresh or canned)
• 1/2 cup (100g) sugar
• 1/4 cup (85g) molasses
• 1/4-1/2 cup (80-160g) maple syrup or honey
• 2-4 tablespoons (25-50g) melted coconut oil or butter (optional)

• 1 cup in-shell toasted pumpkin seeds
• 1-2 cups chopped dried fruit (raisins, dates, dried cranberries, prunes, apricots, banana chips)

Preheat oven to 300F/150C and line two baking sheets with parchment paper.

Grind half of the millet in a spice grinder or processor until it turns into a flour.  Combine ground millet with the rest of the first 4 dry ingredients in a large bowl.  Combine spices and wet ingredients in a separate medium bowl and mix well.  Pour the wet mixture into the dry bowl and mix well with a spatula until the dry ingredients are coated.

Dump the mixture out onto the prepared baking sheets and spread it out into a single layer (don't leave the edges skimpy or they are more likely to burn).  Bake for 20-30 minutes until the top is a light golden brown.  Check the underside after 20 minutes.

Remove baking sheets from the oven.  Carefully flip granola over using a large spatula in sections (you might want to swap the center sections with the edges to ensure even baking).  Sprinkle in pumpkin seeds and chopped dried fruit over the top and loosely mix in, but don't break up the clumps.  Bake for another 10-15 minutes until golden brown and crisp.

Cool completely on the baking sheets before transferring to airtight containers.

Sausage Rolls, Two Ways

The end of March is going to mark the first year of my Hoboken residence, and this past weekend marked my first Hoboken St. Patrick's Day.   This fake holiday is oddly celebrated 2 weeks early with a parade and, more importantly, a city-wide party commencing at 7am and lasting until everyone passes out.  I wasn't sure what to expect having read the news articles, but I guess it was everything I had imagined and more.  My apartment hosted since it is rather perfect for fake holiday revelry: far enough away from the main drag to avoid the melee, and also has a lovely backyard for grilling and other important activities to usher in spring.


In certain more idyllic places than New Jersey, it ain't a decent party unless sausage rolls make the rounds.  I internalized this philosophy because sausage rolls are a perfect pair to drinking beer outside wherever you are.  Pastry-covered delicious meat bites eaten by hand with tomato sauce/ketchup, these puppies are definitely messy but line the stomach suitably in case you are inclined to actually start drinking green beer at the crack of dawn.

Now, I didn't make the pastry from scratch, but these are still quite a bit more work than your more convenient frozen options which are available if you're lucky enough to live in a Commonwealth country.  But as is the case with most homemade treats, you'll be handsomely rewarded if you put in the time.  These sausage rolls are much more flavorful than the frozen versions and are completely customizable to any number of seasonings you might have on-hand.

The successful hostess also tries to cater to food allergies and preferences, hence the two onion-free-meat and vegetarian variations presented here.  The vegetarian one actually does taste and look remarkably like meat, who knew?

Unfortunately a successful hostess also focuses on feeding and watering guests and not on taking blog photographs.  The above scene is all that was left of the sausage rolls on Sunday, so I think that speaks for itself.

 Sausage rolls in profile, what they actually looked like.

Image via Deliaonline.com

Sage and Apple Sausage Rolls
Adapted significantly from Delia


Makes enough for a crowd
Total time: 1 hour (Active time 30-40 minutes) 

• 1 lb (450g) sausage meat, casings removed
• 1 lb (450g) lean ground pork
• 2 small granny smith apples, peeled and grated (or 1 small apple and 1/2 small onion)
• 2 cloves of garlic, grated
• 2 teaspoons dried sage 
• 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
• handful of fresh parsley, chopped
• big pinch of salt and pepper 
• 2 sheets puff pastry (450g), thawed 
• beaten egg 
• sesame seeds (optional)

Mix meat, apples, and seasonings in a large bowl until just-combined.

Roll out puff pastry on a floured surface until you have a rectangle about 12 x 16 inches (30 x 40 cm).  Cut each sheet in half lengthwise so you have two rectangles about 6 x 16 inches (15 x 40 cm).  Spoon 1/4 of the meat mixture over one edge of the pastry and brush the other side with beaten egg.  Fold pastry over the meat mixture and pat down to ensure the roll is closed; repeat with the other three sheets of pastry.  Whole rolls can be frozen at this stage in plastic wrap and thawed before continuing below.

Brush beaten egg over the top of each roll and sprinkle with sesame seeds (you will probably use about 2 tablespoons total).  Cut each roll with a sharp knife into 1/2 inch-1 inch pieces (1-2 cm) and stab the top of each a few times to let out steam.

Evenly space roll pieces on parchment paper-lined baking sheets and bake for 20-25 minutes at 400F (200C) until browned; you will need more than one sheet.

Unbaked rolls can be refrigerated layered on wax paper in containers overnight, or flash-frozen on the parchment paper for one hour, then transferred to plastic bags.

Image via smallmagazine.typepad.com

Vegetarian Sausage Rolls
Adapted from smallmagazine

Makes enough for a crowd
Total time: 70 minutes or so (Active time 40-50 minutes)

• 3 eggs
• 2/3 cup (80g) roughly chopped nuts (I used half walnuts, half pecans)
• 1 cup (80g) rolled oats
• 1 medium onion, roughly chopped
• 1 clove garlic, roughly chopped
• 1 cup (250g) cottage cheese
• 2 tablespoons soy sauce
• handful of fresh parsley, chopped
• 2/3 cup (55g) breadcrumbs
• 1 cup (115g) shredded cheddar cheese
• 2 sheets (450g) puff pastry, thawed
• beaten egg
• sesame seeds (optional)

Combine 3 eggs, nuts, oats, onion, garlic, cottage cheese, and soy sauce in the base of a food processor.  Process until well-mixed, about 1 minute or so.  Transfer mixture to a large bowl and stir in breadcrumbs and parsley.

Roll out puff pastry on a floured surface until you have a rectangle about 12 x 16 inches (30 x 40 cm).  Cut each sheet in half lengthwise so you have two rectangles about 6 x 16 inches (15 x 40 cm).  Spoon 1/4 of the mixture over one edge of the pastry and top with 1/4 cup of cheese.  Brush the other side of the pastry with beaten egg and roll over the oats mixture.  Pat down to ensure the roll is closed and repeat with the other three sheets of pastry.  Whole rolls can be frozen at this stage in plastic wrap and thawed before continuing below.

Brush beaten egg over the top of each roll and sprinkle with sesame seeds, if using (you will probably use about 2 tablespoons total).  Cut each roll with a sharp knife into 1/2 inch-1 inch pieces (1-2cm) and stab the top of each a few times to let out steam.

Evenly space roll pieces on parchment paper-lined baking sheets and bake for 20 minutes at 350F (180C); you will need more than one sheet.

Unbaked rolls can be refrigerated layered on wax paper in containers for a few days, or flash-frozen on the parchment paper for one hour, then transferred to plastic bags.

Sriracha Citrus Mayo

After the epic pavlova fail, I decided to put those leftover egg yolks to good use and make something that would hopefully be a tasty hit.  I'm not really a mayonnaise fan in general on sandwiches, but I do appreciate a zippy sauce on fish or potatoes.

This is inspired by this post at the Amateur Gourmet, which was prompted by a Jean Georges scallop dish mentioned in the NY times.  Having zero intention of either trekking to the upper east side or paying $40 for a tiny plate just for its sauce, I decided to nail down a recipe for myself. 

In case you haven't used it before, Sriracha is an inexpensive, kicking Thai sauce that adds serious punch to any dish with just a few drops (I swear this guy just scooped me with his cookbook idea).  It is unsurprisingly perfect when paired with a tangy, creamy base and is great on salads, eggs, fish, french fries.. every combination I've tried really.

also great with steamed artichokes

I made this twice, the first time using my stand mixer with the whisk attachment, and the second time in the food processor.  The food processor created a much stronger emulsion since the blade is able to separate the oil into smaller droplets; it won't break in the fridge.  Be sure to add the olive oil last though as over-whipping can degrade its flavors.  The combination of lemon juice and maple syrup also added a much more intense flavor than orange and was better suited to the thick mayo, but to use this as a salad dressing it would good to thin it out using a few tablespoons of orange juice.

But for now it must remain in the back of the fridge and out of reach so I can't get at it with my spoon on the way to the lowfat yogurt.

Sriracha Citrus Mayo


Makes ~1 cup
Total time: 15 minutes (Active time 15 minutes)

• 2 medium-sized egg yolks
• 1 1/2 tablespoons Sriracha sauce (start with a teaspoon and add to taste if you're wary)
• 1 tablespoon soy sauce
• juice of 1 lemon (about 2 1/2 tablespoons)
• zest of 1 lemon (about 2 teaspoons)
• 2 teaspoons maple syrup (or honey)
• 1/2 cup canola oil
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• 1/4 cup orange juice (optional)

Combine first 6 ingredients in a food processor.  Process on high for 30 seconds or so until well mixed.

With the blade running, slowly drizzle in the canola oil followed by the olive oil (this should take several minutes).

Whisk mayo and orange juice in a separate bowl for a thinner consistency if desired.