Creative Booze: Tim's Chocolate Vodka

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Tim, the at-least-this-one-time-hopefully-more-often newest contributor to The Trash Salad.  Specializing in cheap and creative booze projects, I think he'll fit in quite well and provide some excellent lifestyle tips to our dear readers. 

Hi.  I'm Tim. 

I'm a friend of Abbey's.  Irrelevantly and specifically, I used to date Abbey's best friend ~5 years ago for ~6 months.  I was a bit of a jerk to her before we broke up.  Sorry!  I'm actively trying to be less of a jerk these days, I hope it shows! (Editor's note: We'll accept this and future guest posts as penance paid).

More relevantly, I fancy myself a bit of a writer, although the finest examples of my writing can be found in my "emails to self" folder.  I'm likely an extremely mediocre writer - I suck at being concise, I avoid commas at all opportunities, I swear unnecessarily and I abuse the fuck out of adverbs and hyphens - I suppose I'll try to be a blogger (Ed: Worked for me!).

Most relevantly, I'm a big fan of The Trash Salad - it resonates strongly with me because it accurately captures the way I cook.  I hate recipes but I love recipe ideas.  I hate grocery lists, so I don't make them - I simply buy whatever looks good to me at the time.  I also don't grocery shop often, because I despise doing it.  As a result I'm faced with a refrigerator that lives in varying states of empty.  I'm currently embarked on a be-less-fat life project, so my challenge is to make delicious, healthy meals from whatever I have lying around.  I manage!  Successfully! (55lbs down in 4 months! Doctor-approved nutrition! </bragging>)

I'm also a bit of a boozebag.  Not as much as I used to be, and not in the bad way, but I enjoy a cocktail or three from time to time.  For the same reason that my refrigerator is often mostly devoid of food, it's also mostly devoid of mixers.  This is part of the reason why I'm such a big fan of scotch - all you need to make a good scotch drink is an ice cube - and most times that's not even necessary - all you need is a glass. Sometimes, even that's not even necessary - all you need is the scotch.  I like that.

I love to play "Invent-a-drink." I try to make the scotch ethos carry over into most other drinks I create.  I jokingly say that I like to make "man-strength girly drinks."  I consider them "girly" drinks because they taste delicious, and I consider them "man" strength because I always aim for a 70+ proof final product.  My drinks are not nearly as sexist as I seem to be in this paragraph, but they are equally enigmatic. 

So I present my latest experiment: Chocolate Vodka.  Being on my stop-being-a-fatass plan, I try to not imbibe anything that's shitty for you.  To clarify: I consider non-alcoholic quantities of vodka good for you.  I also consider non-chocoholic quantities of 90% dark chocolate good for you..  Luckily, with Tim's Chocolate Vodka, you only need a little.  I poured about 750mL of Smirnoff vodka into a 1L flippity top bottle, and finely shaved about 2 tablespoons of really really dark chocolate.  Be sure not to fill the bottle all the way, as this will decrease the effectiveness of the necessary shaking. I put the shavings into the flippity top bottle and flipped the top closed.  I shook the shit out of the bottle every time I remembered for the next few hours and threw it in my liquor cabinet for a week. 

A week later, I had a milky, shit-colored gross-looking brown liquid with visible shavings of chocolate in it.  It was strangely appealing.  I tried it over ice and decided the ice needed to go, so I sent it to the freezer for a night. 

The next night, a Tuesday, my frosty-cold Chocolate Vodka was unveiled to the world, or at least to the five people in my neighbors' apartment.  The reviews were overwhelmingly positive – the result is a delicious, sweet-tooth-satisfying drink that's sipped like a fine scotch.  I also learned that it (unsurprisingly) functions very well as a shot.

In summary: infuse vodka with things other than fruit.  It can be done, since many flavor-molecules are soluble in ethanol. Experiment! Taste! Keep me posted!

Thanks for reading, and double thanks for telling me how great I am or how much I suck.  Both (or anything in between) are equally appreciated.

-Tim

I'm skeptical, yet whipping up a batch of this tonight in the interest of research.  Feedback forthcoming!



Tim's Chocolate Vodka
Makes ~750mL 
Total time: A few days - 1 week (Active time <5 minutes)

• 1 bottle (750mL) cheapish but not awful vodka* (Ed: I like Svedka for infusions)
• 1 oz (30g) >70% dark chocolate

 Shave dark chocolate as fine as you can with a sharp knife or grater - you should have about two tablespoons.  Add to vodka bottle (or a flippity top container), give it an aggressive shaking, and store at room temperature for a few days.  Serve ice-cold, straight-up.

* I want to take a minute to rant about vodka and vodka marketing:  Vodka is simply a chemical - ethanol, mixed with water.  The “goodness” of vodka is determined by the relative lack of impurities.  All vodka above the “plastic bottle grade” is basically the same, and is indistinguishable in blinded taste tests.  When I choose vodka, I choose the cheapest big brand name with industrial-scale manufacturing, because that’s best set up to remove impurities.  If you’re paying $40-$60 for a fancy bottle of vodka, just know that you’re paying for the sandblasted bottle, because the vodka is the same.  I don’t want to hear your “oh I had a worse hangover with cheap vodka” stories, but I certainly do want to hear if you choose to do a blind taste test with some statistical power.  If you had a worse hangover with Svedka than with Grey Goose, that’s because you’re too much of a cheapass to binge drink the good stuff, but are happy to do so with the hooch.  </rant>

NYC Cocktail Week at The Rum House

I'm not the biggest fan of Restaurant Week in New York, mostly because I'm cheap and would spend less than $35 on food for myself in an entire week if left to my own devices.  But equally because I enjoy a drink with dinner and that can get very expensive very quickly.

But sometimes special occasions present themselves, like a friend's birthday excursion to see a show in the Theater District.  And isn't it always better to be drinking when you have to go through Times Square on a Friday night?

With this in mind, we ventured to The Rum House at the Hotel Edison - the only remotely midtown-area bar participating in the grand NYC Cocktail Week.  The bar is a recently revived old-timey lounge and piano bar, and the scene was a fascinating people-watching mixture of 50/50 wandering tourists and destination minded hipster cocktail snobs (I like to think that we fell into the grey ether being a bit of both).  Thankfully, it wasn't too busy even during the post-work happy hour time that usually floods the downtown bars.

The Cocktail Week deal continues until this Wednesday and for $20.11, you get two full-sized cocktails with an appetizer.  I'm told it is "very New York" to consider this a bargain, but keep in mind: 1) well-crafted cocktails in these bars normally go for $12-$15, 2) this is the Theater District where it's tough to find a beer for less than $9, 3) you can split the deal!

And thank goodness for point number three, since apparently this can't be done at all participating bars.  You get a choice of four cocktails and either spiced almonds or hard-boiled eggs with smoked salt (okay, not the most spectacular appetizer choices, but they don't serve food here normally).  The almonds were surprisingly good and seasoned with a flaky sea salt/smoked paprika/cayenne mixture which was a really nice change from the shellacked sugary coating that I was expecting.

I ordered the Pathallus Molly (which I'm appreciating even more now due to the word play),  a gin-based slightly salty sinus-clearer served with spicy pickled green beans. 


Belated birthday girl Jill had a variation on a Negroni which was slightly sweetened with added whiskey.  Both drinks were rather perfect for our tastes, and accordingly, very very strong.  A single sipper cocktail to last you an entire evening?  I consider that a bargain, even if it is a bit "New York."

3 New Ways to Gussy Up Your Booze

This past week's weather was rainy and generally crap, so I got to daydreaming about sipping cocktails outside at 8pm while the sun was still up.  Soon enough,  I know!  But until then, I will enthusiastically drink indoors and at least try to make it more interesting.

What I have on hand:  cheap whiskey, nice gin, cheap red wine

is turned into: Easy Mint Juleps, Raw Ginger Gimlets, Poor Lady's Sangria

by making fridge staples for rapid cocktail preparation: Mint Simple Syrup, Raw Ginger-Lime Cordial, random bits of fruit

Mint Simple Syrup
Never make a drink that requires muddling?  Fear not, I hate it too and refuse to do any more work for a drink beyond opening and pouring (even corkscrews are a stretch).  Infusing the mint into the simple syrup gives it a great flavor without the mess of muddling or the green bits sticking in your teeth.

Makes 300mL, enough for 10 drinks
Total time: Overnight (Active time 5 minutes)

• 1 cup (225g) sugar
• 1 cup (240mL) water
• 3/4 bunch of fresh mint (reserve remainder for garnish)

Bring sugar and water to a boil in a small saucepan.  Rub the bunch of mint between your hands (bruising it) and add to the saucepan.  When the sugar has completely dissolved, remove from heat.  When completely cool, transfer to the fridge to sit overnight.  Strain out mint leaves before using.

Easy Mint Julep
This is the ratio I like, not too sweet or over-the-top bourbony, but feel free to tinker to taste here.  Most recipes don't include club soda, but I find it gives a much needed lift to a potentially syrupy drink.

Makes 1 drink

• 3 big ice cubes
• 1 oz (30mL) Mint Simple Syrup
• 2 oz (60mL) bourbon/whiskey
• 2-3 mint leaves
• club soda

Pour Mint Simple Syrup and bourbon over ice in a lowball glass (or, fine, a plastic tumbler, though it's not what Don Draper would do).  Bruise mint leaves between your hands to release flavor and add to the glass.  Swirl it all around and top with club soda.

Image via Nytimes Magazine

Raw Ginger Lime Cordial
I do everything the New York Times tells me to when it comes to drinks, for better or for worse.  This beats the pants off of Rose's - more tart and spicy, less sweet with a darker, less nuclear color.   You could also use this mix for an excellent margarita.

Adapted from The New York Times Magazine
Makes 250mL, enough for 6-8 drinks
Total time: 48 hours (Active time 20 minutes)

• 4 large limes
• 1/2 cup (115g) sugar
• 3.5 oz (30g) fresh ginger

Rinse the limes in warm water and dry.  Remove the zest using a microplane or vegetable peeler, leaving as much of the white pith as possible.  Juice the limes into a non-reactive container with a lid (I used a glass jar formerly containing peanut butter).  You should have between 3/4-1 cup of juice.  Grate the ginger using a microplane* and add to the jar along with the zest and sugar.

Cap the jar and give it a good shake.  Allow the mixture to sit for 24 hours in the fridge.  Strain the zest and ginger using a fine mesh strainer.  Let the cordial sit for another 24 hours to cure before using.

*To save yourself at least 15 minutes, blisters, and swearing, the original recipe recommends chunking the ginger and liquefying it in a food processor with some of the lime juice.

Raw Ginger Gimlet
Makes 1 drink

• 3 big ice cubes
• 1 oz (30mL) Raw Ginger Lime Cordial
• 2 oz (60mL) gin
• lime wedge

 Pour cordial and gin over ice, stir, and squeeze a big lime wedge to serve.

Sangria image via Epicurious (the real thing didn't last long enough for a photo)

Poor Lady's Sangria
This isn't a recipe so much as an impressive concoction I threw together to make a $5 awful bottle of wine taste sensational.  The underlying lesson is don't give up hope on your skunky Little Penguin - you just may have the right tools to fix it in the fridge.  If you don't have time to make the simple syrup, a few tablespoons of sugar/honey/maple syrup would also do the trick.

Makes 1-6 drinks

• 1 bottle of cheap red wine (do not pay more than $8) 
• 1/2 lime
• 1/2 orange
• a few chunks of cantelope
• 1 oz (30mL) Mint Simple Syrup (or to taste)

 Pour the bottle of wine into a large pitcher.  Add the juice of the lime and orange, then cut the fruit into thin slices and add to the pitcher along with the cantelope.  Start with 1 oz (30mL) of simple syrup, taste, and keep adding until it tastes like something from the local cantina.

Dirty Chai

It's not quite spring yet, as the snow on Friday informed me.  But in the interest of getting a jump on the cleaning process, this weekend's project is dealing with the pantry situation.

the pantry situation, phase one.

This process made me realize a few things: 1) Three different kinds of chili powder/paprika/dried thyme/mustard seeds is about two too many; 2) I need to use random whole spices more often; 3) if you think you have a jar of molasses but you can't find it, it will in fact materialize several months later, on its side and stuck to the shelf.

So what does one do with 200g of whole star anise anyway?  By the time April rolls around, even hot toddies and stock pots can get a little tiresome.  Coffee and tea on the other hand are never seasonally restricted, so I made a chai-spiced concentrate using a lot of the whole spices I discovered during the clean-out to try and recreate the delicious Dirty Chai from Empire.

Highly recommended.  I definitely wouldn't go out of my way to buy all of the ingredients if you don't have them already, but any combination of warming spices would be great here.  It's also totally customizable so you'll save yourself both cash and excess cream and sugar from the cafe version without losing any flavor.  

I amped up the amount of spices here from the original concentrate recipe I saw on The Pioneer Woman and decreased the sugar to my tastes.  The milk and sugar somewhat temper the spiciness, with a nice added bite from the coffee.  If you're fancy enough to have an espresso maker, a shot or two would be a welcome substitution for ordinary coffee.

Fortunately it's also the perfect drink for a day of cleaning and general hibernation, since I need some serious motivation to carry on with the pantry project.

Dirty Chai

Serves one
Total time: < 5 minutes

• 1/2 cup (120mL) spiced chai concentrate (recipe below)
• 1/2 cup (120mL) milk (soy, almond, lowfat, whatever)
• 1/2 cup (120mL) strong brewed coffee

Heat chai concentrate and milk in a saucepan or mug in the microwave.  Add freshly brewed coffee. Pat yourself on the back for not spending $3.75.

Spiced Chai Concentrate
Adapted from The Pioneer Woman


Makes 4 1/2 cups
Total time: 25 minutes (Active time 5 minutes)

• 4 1/2 cups (a little more than 1L) water
• 1/2 whole vanilla bean
• 2 cinnamon sticks
• 12 whole green cardamom pods
• 12 whole cloves
• 2 whole star anise
• 1/4 teaspoon whole black pepper
• 1 small knob of ginger, cut into thin slices
• 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground nutmeg
• zest of 1/2 orange
• 10 teaspoons of black tea or tea bags
• 1/3 cup (65g) sugar

Scrape vanilla bean into a small pot, add water, and bring to a boil.

While waiting for water to boil, place cinnamon sticks, cardamom pods, cloves, star anise, and black pepper in a baggie and smash with a hammer, rolling pin or similarly heavy implement.

When the vanilla water comes to a boil, add ginger, crushed spices from the baggie, nutmeg, orange zest, and tea or tea bags.  Cover and steep for 15-25 minutes depending on how spicy you like it.

Strain out spices and tea and mix liquid with sugar until dissolved.

Sick Day Smoothie

Runny nose, killer headache, phlegmy cough.  Ugh.  The worst part is that today is a scheduled day off for me and yet I'm still hibernating and not wanting to consume anything besides sweet drinks.  Not wanting to eat is the number one sign that I'm getting sick.

This is my brunch today in an effort to get some form of nutrition into my body in addition to sugar.  It's got a base of frozen banana (a freezer staple of mine), added color from blueberries, a bit of a tart kick from the orange juice, and is tied together with some flaxseed and milk.  Because all the fruit is frozen, the smoothie can be as thick and delicious as ice cream if you use the minimum amount of liquid.

Another very adaptable recipe, this smoothie is great with all other berries, frozen mango, apple juice, cinnamon, honey, and citrus zest.  I've also been told, never have experienced this myself, that these smoothies work great as a hangover remedy.

Banana Blueberry Smoothie
Serves 1
Total time: 5 minutes

• 1 medium frozen banana, peeled and chopped coarsely
• small handful fresh or frozen blueberries
• 2 tablespoons ground flaxseed
• 1/2 cup (120mL) orange juice
• 1/4-3/4 cup (60-180mL) milk
• 2 spoonfuls of tart yogurt 

Add banana, blueberries, and flaxseed in a food processor and pulse until combined.  Add orange juice and process on high until the mixture looks smooth.  With the blade running, add milk through the feed tube until it's as thin as you like.  Serve with tart yogurt swirled on top.